Wednesday 1 September 2021

Welton Dead At 50


Neil Welton said...

Twenty-five years ago this week I found myself at the centre of a quite bizarre conspiracy theory. A conspiracy theory so outlandish and ridiculous that, even to this day, people still ask me about it. They still ask me whether it is all true. I want you to know it is true. I swear to you on The Holy Bible all this happened. I am, of course, referring to the moment twenty-five years ago when a friend of mine asked my family a very simple question. Is Neil dead? For just a few days earlier I had been rushed to hospital, complete with flashing blue lights on the ambulance, and taken into the Emergency Department. As the doctors and nurses tried desperately to save my life, they did so knowing I had less than a 50% chance of survival. Little did I know, as I drifted from this life into the next (and back again to haunt you), that I would then become the focus of such wild speculation. That the rumour mill had already started. "My God, I just can't believe it, is Welton actually dead?" Well, so the rumour goes. Indeed more pressingly, especially as I spent nearly a week in a coma, was it actually true I had died? Did I die that night? Did I die at some point in the morning? Did I die at some point in that eventful week? Did I die in an accident or had I been murdered? Did I die at my own hand? After all in the weeks and months that followed I did disappear from public view and circulation. Again causing so much speculation and debate. When I reemerged some months later there were even more questions. More bizarre questions. Had I been replaced with a body double who looked like me and sounded like me? If so, who was my body double and why was he doing it? Had I really been replaced by privately educated Iain Andrew who, after being born during the hot summer of 1976 and his time at Oxford and Sandhurst, had been prepared to replace me all along? Had the real Neil disappeared because in reality he was a British spy? Or worse still a Soviet spy? This could also explain why Neil (or should that be Iain?) was investigated for his alleged links to The Kremlin after the Brexit vote. It was all a Russian conspiracy. Was Iain, who also met Neil while working on a movie apparently, really his double after all? A stunt double? Yet both Iain and Neil had signed the Official Secrets Act. So it could be true. Or so it was said at the time. Had Neil died on a mission abroad and was his death being covered up by The Establishment? Had he been secretly buried or cremated in those weeks following his sudden death? Was all this done to protect the public from the truth? The man claiming to be Neil Welton certainly looks like him and sounds like him. But he is different in some way. Not really him. Not only that but how did he get so close to political power all of a sudden? For he has risen from complete obscurity. Who is he? More importantly. Who does he think he is? Indeed as somebody in politics once said to me - "Who the hell do you think you are?" I think they know now, don't you? Or perhaps not. For all will be revealed in the fullness of time. Whether I am dead or alive. For the Neil you once knew (the keyboard player in a rock 'n' roll band) is now not the Neil you see. Funny that. Are there any clues from which you can discern the real Neil's actual fate? For example, you think you are reading Neil Welton's blogposts. But how can you be so sure? I could quite easily be somebody else who has hacked into the account. I could quite easily be somebody who is impersonating Neil Welton. Not only online but in real life too. I guess we'll never really know the truth. I guess we'll never get to the bottom of it. I guess we'll never really be able to answer the simple question. Is Neil Welton dead?

Neil Welton said...

Coming Soon...

What Happened Exactly To Neil?
What Did Neil Encounter?
What Did Neil See?

In... The After Death Experiences Of Dr Neil Welton

Death By Suffocation (1983)
Death By Drowning (1988)
Death By Coma (1996)

Episodes Recorded:
The Daze Of Death
The Spiral Of Closure
Visitation From An Angel
Lightning Flash Of Destiny
The Death Of Mankind Foretold

Neil Welton said...

Dr Neil Welton, theologian and metaphysician, searching for a way to tap into the hidden mysteries of mankind. Suddenly a series of bizarre and freak accidents alters his psychology and outlook and now, when Neil grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs.

The creature is driven by rage and is pursued by an investigative reporter. "Hey, Mr Western Mail man. Don't make me angry about the Brexit. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Dr Welton is wanted for being a part of a Russian spy ring he was never a part of. Neil Welton is believed to be dead and he must now make the world think that he is dead until he can find way to resolve the hidden mysteries which have been made known to him.

Anonymous said...

So you really are a Saint. This helps to explain everything. Or you are as mad as ever. By the way Templar, I believe Neil is dead. For I've never seen Iain Andrew and Neil in the same room together.

Neil Welton said...

Neither have I. Funnily enough. Though I once saw Iain on TV.